Tall Tales
The characters:
Mr. & Mrs. Lee - 60ish Asian-American couple
LN - 40ish overweight, tall Caucasian woman (could be played by Camryn Manheim in the movie version if she wore heels and cut her hair)
Mrs. Lee, brightly: “You’re really tall.”
LN, smiling politely: “Yes, I am.” Thank you so much for pointing that out. No one has ever mentioned it before. Clothes were always too short but I never realized why until you told me! Come to think of it, it must be why I’m usually looking down at people’s heads!
Mrs. Lee, brightly: “How tall are you?”
LN, flat, resigned: “6 ft.” Actually 5’11 ¾” in stocking feet according to the doctor, but nobody believes me.
Mrs. Lee, brightly: “For a man, 6 ft. is not so unusual, but for a woman that’s really tall.”
LN, nodding: “Uhmmm.” And you’re really rude, or at the very least, clueless. If you were a child, it would not be notable, but since you’re an adult...
Why do some people think it’s ok to comment on a stranger’s physical features/state the obvious? If you are my friend, I have no problem ‘discussing’ my height, weight (ok, I won’t tell you my weight, but I will admit what size I wear), my crooked nose and my bad knees, just as we discuss other topics that are intrinsic to who we are. People I know and love are free to tease me and I tease them back (especially the under-tall…hehe!) But why would I want to discuss such things with a stranger? And what makes a stranger think I care about their opinion anyway? Isn’t it bad enough that I have to deal with my family and their opinions? I have no energy to deal with strangers!!!
posted by Lillian | 12:25 AM
5 Comments:
I'm aware that stating the obvious is not limited to strangers of any particular ethnic group. However, I must say, growing up as an Asian-American, I have noticed that many Asians (born and bred in Asian countries) have no shame when it comes to being critical, blunt, and direct, even if it means "stating the obvious". I understand cultural differences; however, you're definitely not alone in thinking and feeling frustrated about this. I have received enough unsolicited advice and comments regarding my weight and my physical appearance, and for the most part, they were not the most flattering comments to receive.
Just the same, a lot of people (Asian or not) do not realize they are being rude (or irritating - ha!) when they say such things. I have heard the "You're quiet", "You don't talk very much" Obvious-ities waaaay too much, and that is one thing that will irritate me until I die. (I mean, Why talk when I have nothing to say?) Diane is right; other people are pretty much clueless that they are doing this... but I guess we will all slip and make this mistake once in a while....
**(BTW, I'm sorry if I have ever done this. I know I have asked you how tall you are, but I don't think I've actually said, "You're tall!!!!" haha.)
Diane is right re: the social filters. You can forgive a little 4-year-old, but once you pass a threshold of about 8-10, manners should kick in!
There's a country-western song about stating the obvious called "here's your sign." The singer talks about handing a sign that says "I'm stupid" to the people around him who make such idiotic comments. Of course, you can't do that, and America prides itself in being "tolerant," but sometimes ya just feel like screaming!
I get similar comments about myself and Brandon. Duh, I do realize my husband is a foot taller than me and Duh, I did realize my mom isn't even 5 foot tall and my dad is a foot and a half taller than her.
Besides the obvious ignorance, I believe that in your case people are jealous that they aren't nearly as tall and beautiful as you!!!
Thanks for all your comments! Usually I am more amused (or is it bemused?) than annoyed. But every once in awhile I just need to vent.
Marie, no worries. If you ever did it I don't remember and it wouldn't count, because I know you. One can expect friends or acquaintances to be curious.
And I'm sure I've slipped myself occasionally, although I KNOW I've never told a stranger they were short.
In fact, Christian, really short people rarely say anything. Like this couple, most of the people who comment tend to be "average." Maybe they are insecure about their averageness? ;-)
I can see why you were annoyed, but I think most people consider tall as preferable, such as the recent stories about leg extension in China.
In other words.... I assume they meat it as a compliment. You are a world traveller, so I'm sure you can know how very culture-specific "manners." Maybe I've been in Hawaii too long, but I think people usually mean well.
Maybe I just don't hear that line so often about how tall I am :)
Post a Comment
<< Home